Archives for posts with tag: Gay Marriage

My wife and I got married because we love each other. We got married because that seemed like the next step in life. We got married because we could. (Thank you Iowa and Minnesota) Like a good modern couple the cohabitating, dog adopting, and mortgage came before the marriage. The wedding felt like a mere formality. An excuse to have a party. We didn’t think it would change much.

But it did. It changed something huge and intangible.

We aren’t dating any more. She isn’t my girlfriend. We are married. She is my spouse. She is my wife. These are words society at large understands. We don’t have to explain that our partnership is deep and true and real, these words do it for us.

Also being married got us a post on A Bicycle Built for Two. That’s kinda fun.

I love this girl.



My brother graduated from high school this weekend:

More on that later. I’m still processing it.

We used the trip to take care of some wedding details and to apply for our marriage license – the date is quickly approaching.

While we were signing the papers – in all their grand simplicity – the county records gentleman had some trouble locating my birth certificate. Yes, my mother was married at the time of my birth. Yes, I was born here. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No record. No big deal, the gentleman said, it’s probably with the state. Or I’m adopted. Let the jokes begin.

My mother and the girlfriend thought this uncertainty was hilarious:


Even when then joke is at my expense, I love making them laugh.

Last night, even though I was feeling pretty sorry for myself for working an eight hour day, I got myself to Crossfit and I’m glad I did. A half an hour of interval rowing flooded my brain with endorphins. Rowing sneaks up on me. My arms tire. My heart rate jumps up. All good things, of course, but unexpected to my sleepy self.

After the workout, I made an effort to make small talk. It’s harder for me at the gym than other places. I only know these people in the context of sweat and ugly lifting faces and rope burns and torn calluses. Intimate moments, sure, but specific. Somehow the conversation rolled around to political yard signs – marriage equality signs, in particular. Suddenly Vote Yes signs have begun to pop up.

“Scares the shit out of me,” I said, without thinking of my audience.

“Me too,” the six girls agreed.

What a nice surprise. These people who I assumed would be a mixed bunch ended up on my side. The side that I hope is the right side of history. It’s moments like this that embolden me to trust the world – at least the South Minneapolis world. Even if there had been a hater among them, the majority had my back.  I have to trust that.

While sitting on my couch recovering from too many box-jumps at Crossfit, I saw my first Vote Yes commercial (on the Minnesota Marriage Amendment, that is). A blond woman holding an inexplicably large coffee mug stared at me and warned me that the gays plan to ruin Minnesota. I didn’t think these commercials were real. Who puts hate into the world like that, so publicly? Who announces their own bigotry?

When the anger cloud moved from my field of vision another – and perhaps more sobering and realistic – line of questions emerged:

What would this woman say to me? How would she treat my imaginary future family? I’d like to say she would be awful. I would like to project as much distain as her commercial evoked. Yet, I think she might be ok. Maybe. Maybe if she met us or lived near us she would see we aren’t so bad. We would talk about gardening and the weather and all those things nice Minnesota neighbors talk about. That doesn’t give me comfort. No, that particular thought experiment scares me. Politics – instead of real life – seem to keep this woman and all the vote yes folks from letting their worlds grow.

Shit, that scares me. Yet here I am hopeful, even a little Pollyanna-ish… Maybe I’m still energized by my new job. Maybe I didn’t drink enough water today. Or maybe it is because of the goodness of my dear, sweet home, Iowa:


Political yard signs started popping up early this summer here in Minneapolis and none have been as popular as the Vote No signs:

In case you haven’t heard, Minnesotans will vote whether or not define marriage as between one man and one woman. No, wait, let me clarify. That is already on the books. In November, Minnesotans will vote whether or not this definition of marriage should be added to the state constitution. Voting no will change nothing. Voting yes will make us look like jackasses in the history books.

Oh Minnesota, let’s stick with the lakes for notoriety not bigotry.

On the plus side, not often can I walk down a residential Midwestern street and know – know with real, unadulterated certainty – that at least some of the residents support me. As the girlfriend and I think about moving in the near future, these signs tell us where we might want to settle. These signs advertise where our family will find acceptance. No matter what happens in November, that’s a damn good feeling.

%d bloggers like this: