My dog has never played well with others. She is that snotty kid who won’t share her toys and doesn’t like people touching her stuff. And she really doesn’t like another dog cuddling up to her moms. With friends in town (with their shih tzu) this weekend, she’s struggling.

That’s not a smile on her face.

Did I raise her to be like this? Will my kids be this snotty? Will they bite their friends? Shit, I hope not. I calm myself from these thoughts with the idea that I will be able to talk to my kids. I can tell them, “look, if you’re good here we can eat ice cream later.” Yes, my plan is to bribe them. That’s as far as I’ve thought.

I mean, it’s working for the poodle.