Pending a background check, I start my new job next month. Benefits. A solid, steady check. It’s not a teaching or writing-related job but, in short, it is stability. Yet, as always, I’m conflicted.

Who will keep this regal poodle company?

Though I’ve been out of the military for almost two years now, this will be my first real big-kid civilian job. What if I don’t know how to be a civilian? My swearing still rivals that of a long-haul truck driver. What if haven’t used this time to write and be a writer to its full potential? What the hell do I wear?! What if I hate it?

Oh, fuck the what ifs.

I need this job and WANT this job in order for my life to move forward. House. Family. Kids. A real goddamn garden. Maybe this book will happen and maybe it won’t. I’m ok either way but I know if let my other life goals wait I will regret it.

That sounds pretty convincing, right?

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